All posts in category Random Thoughts

Growing Up

Since we last spoke, I celebrated a birthday. Many people will laugh at the fact I was anxious about turning 19, but in all honesty, the idea filled me with absolute dread. I think there was something disheartening about it being my last year of being a teenager. When I turned 18, there was so much to be excited about. I could drink (legally). I could gamble. I could buy cigarettes. Sure, half of these were things I never had any desire to do, but it was exciting. I was an adult.

I’ve been an adult for a whole year now. When I was younger, I thought that once I was an adult, everything would make sense – I thought that ‘grown ups’ knew it all. I was wrong. Sometimes I feel like everyone else has read some book that tells you how to be an adult, or maybe there was a class I missed because I was too busy watching repeats of Doctor Who. Perhaps I could pretend to be a proper adult because I lived away from home at university, but living off of pizza and ready meals hardly equips me for life’s big challenges. I still don’t understand mortgages. I couldn’t tell you the slightest thing about the stock exchange. And when the hell am I going to start enjoying gardening?

I think I’m starting to understand why I dreaded it so much now though. I felt like I should have achieved something by now, or I should know a whole lot about the world. The media is filled with stories about these 13-year-old geniuses and Grammy/Oscar/Tony/Nobel Peace Prize/World’s Greatest Person Ever Award winning 17-year-olds, and I couldn’t help but feel that I should have done something amazing by now. In a world that’s getting older, why is there so much pressure on young people? I think for now, I need to sit back and relax, and enjoy being young. I’ve got a degree to finish, and then hopefully the world will be my oyster.

A few years from now, maybe I’ll have my head screwed on a little tighter, and I can head out into the big wide world and do scary grown up things like worry about credit ratings. For now though, it’s time to hold on to nineteen, and squeeze out a few more of those sulky teenage tantrums while I can.

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on September 5, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on September 5, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/growing-up/

Unpretty

Self esteem is a funny thing. Something you can easily have too much of, but have too little of it and your life can easily become a mess. The one thing that companies can always exploit is self esteem. From beauty products to ‘How To Look Good Naked’, it’s unsurprising we live in a world that’s obsessed with looks. Heck, all five teenage boys have to do is sing a song about insecure girls looking beautiful, and they get propelled into global stardom.

I know that in these types of posts, I’m supposed to blame skinny models and celebrities who get photoshopped in magazines. In all honesty though, I don’t. To me, people only aspire to be like celebrities when they already have confidence issues. When I was younger, my self esteem issues came as a direct result of nasty teenage boys. One boy told someone who I thought was my friend that he thought I was really ugly, and they both laughed at me together. One boy suggested that maybe I should start wearing more make up. Now I know I shouldn’t make sweeping generalisations, and there are teenage boys in the world that would never make these types of comments, so maybe I should just attribute it to their hormones and laugh it off and say, ‘Well, boys will be boys!’. I don’t think this is fair though. People seem to underestimate the effect that words can have, and I think it’s time that we addressed this. Since when did it become OK to laugh in someone’s face because of the way they look? When did we start judging appearance above character? I think the place to start would be teaching people to be good people, and maybe those boys would know how to treat people in real life.

When I was younger I figured that people were lying when they said, ‘It gets better’. I thought they were just saying that because it made themselves feel better. I was wrong. I grew up, found friends who care about me, and found something I enjoy doing. Sure, I do still feel self conscious about it sometimes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. What I have found though, is that I couldn’t care less about guys who only care about appearance. When I dress myself up and head into town with friends, it’s easy to feel the stares of some guys. It may feel good for a minute, but then I remember that I’m worth more than that. There’s so much more to me than my appearance.

Those boys who called me ugly couldn’t have been more wrong. They spoke more about their personality than they ever did about the way I look. Incidentally, one of them asked me out the other day. I can assure you that I took absolute delight in rejecting him.

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on August 20, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on August 20, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/unpretty/

An introvert goes holidaying

For the first time in what feels like forever, I went on holiday last week. My mum decided it would be nice to go on holiday with the whole family, so this also included my stepdad, my brother, my two sisters, my stepbrother and my stepsister. It was a busy but relaxing week, so I thought I’d fill you in on my thoughts about my trip to the Greek island of Kos.

  1. The Greeks have a relaxed attitude to putting locks on toilet doors. While this may be fine in the comfort of your own home, this made me deeply uncomfortable in public, I mean, anyone could walk in on you. And then they did. A stranger walked in on me in the toilet. Luckily I was finished peeing, but still. She didn’t knock, and didn’t really apologise either. Needless to say, I was mortified, and this just added to my discomfort of public toilets.
  2. The people who work in the town of Tigaki, where I stayed, were absolutely lovely. They always had smiles on their faces, and would do anything to make sure you felt welcome. It made a pleasant change.
  3. As an avid internet user and general stayer-inner, let’s just say my skin is pretty much always an unnatural shade of pasty white. Until now, that is. Greece has only gone and managed to give me a tan. Sure, to the untrained eye my skin is still vampirish, but I have got a tan. I have got a tan. If I keep saying it, you’ll believe me, won’t you?
  4. There is only so much I can be around my family, and being on holiday is something that really tests that. Luckily, it was not nearly as bad as it could have been, and I really enjoyed myself. That being said, I did find myself sneaking off for the occasional nap, just so I could be alone for a bit.
  5. The sunset in the town of Zia is unbelievably beautiful. Please excuse the fact I only took the photo on my camera phone, but I just really want to share this sunset with the world.

Sunset in Zia

P.S. A big Thank You to Khinjarsi for my nomination, I will aim to fulfill the rules in my next post!

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on August 5, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on August 5, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/an-introvert-goes-holidaying/

Good things and bad things

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my recent absence from writing. I’ve been ill, had three family birthdays and my sister’s graduation. It’s been a busy time, which is a grand departure from the norm. Perhaps even more surprising is the current weather situation here in England. It’s hot. Sticky hot. So hot you can barely walk for 5 minutes without dehydrating. The type of hot where you just can’t sleep at night, so spend the whole day tired. The sun and heat was welcome at first, but unfortunately, it gets very old very fast. You’d think that English people would never miss the rain – yet here I am, waiting for some sort of relief from the heatwave.

Good things and bad things have happened over the past week, and I feel like this is one of those times to appreciate the good. Over the past week, my mum, my nan and my step-mum have all celebrated a birthday, and these are always times to celebrate. My sister graduated from the University of Nottingham with a first class honors degree – I watched on as a proud little sister. These are the moments that people will remember forever- and the mixture of emotions I have felt this week reminded me of this quote from Doctor Who:

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant” – The Doctor

When bad things happen, I have a tendency to focus all of my energy on them, and they end up consuming my life. This post is here to make sure that I always remember the good, and that everyone else does. The good doesn’t have to be life changing stuff – the good can be catching up with old friends, dancing around to cheesy classics or just sitting in the sun and watching the world go by. Just always make sure you make time for the good – life’s too short to focus on the bad.

P.S. I would also like to apologise for inundating you with Doctor Who quotes. I promise that I will broaden my collection, and will try to hold back from spouting the Doctor’s words of wisdom at you!

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on July 17, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on July 17, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/good-things-and-bad-things/

‘Feminism’ is a scary word

…Not least because for some reason I just found it really hard to spell. But anyways, where shall I begin? I’ve recently been reading a lot of articles about Feminism and what it means to other people, and I thought I’d have a go at it myself. I realise my thoughts as an 18 year old are probably not going to be earth shattering, but nevertheless, I feel there’s no harm in putting my thoughts out there. I should also mention that my ideas do not represent the ideas of ‘Young People’, as the media like to call us, because if you’ve read more of what I’ve written, I don’t behave like the average teenager – I’m almost too awkward to function. There’s also a chance that being introverted has made me think about these sorts of things more than other people would, or maybe I’m just overthinking things already…

A couple of months ago, I was standing in my kitchen talking to my male flatmates about the idea of feminism. Let me start by telling you that while they didn’t necessarily think of themselves as feminists, they were for the idea of men and women being equal. Great, you might think. Until you understand what they consider to be equal. They told me that England was equal when it came to men and women, and I understand where they’re coming from, it probably does feel like that to them. I did tell them though that women tend to earn less than men for doing the same job though. ‘Well that is kinda fair I guess.’ Err, what? ‘Women go on maternity leave lots so they’re never there’. Well sure, that makes sense… if I were popping out a baby every other day. The average 2012 family in the UK has 1.7 children. Let’s round that to 2. Some women take 6 months off when their baby is born, and assuming they have 2 children, that equates to a year off over their working lifetime. Selfish of women to want more really, isn’t it?

One thing that did come up in the discussion was ‘man-hating’ feminists, and this is something I happen to agree with. I think what’s most off-putting to young people is the idea that feminists have to be butch, bitter women with angry haircuts who refuse to walk through a door that’s being held open by a man. Now, I have nothing personally against these people, but it’s not exactly hard to see why the idea of being a feminist doesn’t really appeal to girls. Feminism is about the genders being equal, and this is what needs to be conveyed to people. It’s not about what you wear. It’s not about having long or short hair. It’s about being good people to one another, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman.

On a slightly different note, one thing the media tends to forget is that men can be feminists too. Just because the word sounds a little girly, it doesn’t mean that you are a woman. It means you’re supporting a cause that strives to equality. And guys, if a woman gives you a hard time for holding the door open for her, you just let go of that door and walk away. There is no excuse for anyone to be rude when you’re just being polite.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite people – he is a feminist and he speaks a lot of sense.

boys you want to date

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on May 16, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on May 16, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/feminism-is-a-scary-word/

Guilty Pleasures

So, I guess I have a confession to make (after all, that’s what my blog’s name is about). I watch Glee. I enjoy the ludicrous story lines, I enjoy its all-inclusion mentality, I enjoy the razor sharp put-downs, and of course I enjoy watching Darren Criss be just lovely. I love this show. Recently they made an episode based around the theme of guilty pleasures, so I guess you could say that Glee is my guilty pleasure.

That’s all fine and dandy, except… I just don’t buy into the idea of guilty pleasures. Why do we have to be ashamed of liking things? When I like something, it makes me feel happy, and I want to share it with the world. I shouldn’t have to hide it because certain people have set aside in their minds what is ‘cool’ and what isn’t. It seems like half the people out there are just trying to out-hipster one another, and they judge people who like popular things as if they’re just stupid. I can’t be the only person who thinks this is just ridiculous. We should live in a world where liking things is cool, and no one should have to be ‘guilty’ of enjoying things that other people don’t. There’s already enough hate in the world, why do we have to add to it over little things like television and music tastes?

So do something crazy. Stop hiding the things that you like. Screw people who judge you because of it. I’ll still like you :)

blaine gif

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on April 28, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on April 28, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/guilty-pleasures/

What even is an introvert anyway?

Introversion is a funny thing, and a little bit difficult to define. I promised myself not to be clichéd here and start this post off with a definition from the dictionary (as a side note, I don’t think I even have a decent dictionary, so I’d be relying on Google’s finest). I’m not sure what introversion means to other people, so here’s what I’ve learned from my experiences.

I am an introvert. This does not mean I hate everyone, and it definitely doesn’t mean that I want to spend every waking second by myself. Part of it means that I feel uncomfortable around new people, as small talk is something I struggle with (which means I hate hairdressers more than anything!). This doesn’t mean I don’t want to make new friends. It just means that I’m shy and awkward around new people and struggle to think of things to say. I don’t mean to be like this, but I worry about saying the wrong things, and a lot of the time it’s just easier to stay quiet. As a result, I have a small but incredibly close circle of friends, but for me this is perfect.

The other part of introversion means that while other people get their energy from spending time with people, for me this takes energy (I realise I worded this very badly, so here’s a comic that helps explain it). While I can quite happily spend time with people, I need time by myself afterwards, and is that really so bad?

So, this is me. An introvert. I’m not really that much different from everyone else. All it means is that I can happily spend a load of time by myself, and that once you get to know me, I’ll be a great friend to you. I’m not a creepy loner. I’m not trying to hide anything. I’m just trying to be happy.

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on April 11, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on April 11, 2013

https://confessionsofanintrovertblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/what-even-is-an-introvert-anyway/

Train Troubles

Being a student, I do a lot of travelling around the country, which means I spend a lot of time on the trains and the tube. If you know anything about London’s underground you’d think an introvert like me would fit right in. The underground is generally a place where people avoid talking to each other at all costs and eye contact is never made. A lot of people read to avoid the eye contact (Michael McIntyre has a brilliant sketch about this). Perfect for me, right? In practice, you would think so. Until you remember that the tube is always packed full of people, and the tube is always jerking about and stopping as abruptly as physically possible. Add to the mix my clumsy nature, and you have found a way for me to say ‘Sorry’ to as many people as humanly possible in a short space of time. Sorry my luggage is in your way. Sorry I keep falling into you. Sorry I accidentally touched your arm. Sorry I have to reach across you to hold on… You get the idea. Lucky it’s a short journey!

Sadly, my journey on the trains are a lot longer, and there’s no rule against eye contact. There’s nothing like a journey where every time you look up, a creepy old guy seems to be looking in your direction. Yet he’s the least of my worries. My biggest worry is that someone will try and sit next to me. If I see the carriage start to fill up, I start to worry, and yet if people choose to stand rather than sit next to me, I get deeply offended. And then I become self conscious. Do I smell? Am I accidentally making an angry face? Am I really just that ugly that I disgust people? These questions race through my mind until someone sits there, and then all I can think is ‘Ugh, please don’t try and talk to me.’

I don’t think I’m cut out for travel on trains. Next time I’ll just stick to time travel with the Doctor. :)

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by Conscientious Ambitioner on March 31, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by Conscientious Ambitioner on March 31, 2013

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